5 Strategies for Self-Love this Valentine’s Day and Beyond from a Christian Counselor
Take a minute and think about the longest relationship you’ve ever had. Who comes to mind? For some, it might be a parent or sibling, while for others their relationship with a friend, significant other or spouse might enter their thoughts. While many of these relationships can span years or decades, the longest relationship you will truly ever have is with yourself.
When thinking about your significant relationships, how do you attend to and nurture them and why? Simply put, relationships of any kind require time, effort, dedication, and love to flourish and grow. This same principle applies to your relationship with yourself. By practicing self-love, we allow ourselves to be all that we are created to be and are ultimately able to show up for ourselves and others in more authentic and meaningful ways.
So regardless of your relationship status this Valentine’s Day, join me in discovering 5 strategies to improve your relationship with yourself and to foster greater self-love.
Celebrate Who You Are
We can be so hard on ourselves. Oftentimes focusing on our flaws, deficits, and what we are not, rather than who we are. In a world that can often make us feel as though we are not enough, David reminds us to praise God because we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). Rather than allowing your perceived shortcomings to define your narrative, consider engaging in these activities instead.
Make a list of your unique gifts, talents, and strengths.
Note all the achievements you are proud of—big or small.
Write down 3 things you love about yourself.
Make note of a meaningful compliment you have received.
When we recognize, honor, and celebrate who we are, we restore our belief in ourselves and our capabilities, instilling in us the confidence to be all that we were created to be.
2. Nurture Your Needs through Self-Care
Self-care goes beyond indulgence or simply spoiling ourselves. While a day at the spa or a splurge purchase are forms of self-care, they do not encompass the totality of our self-care needs. When I say self-care, I’m talking about caring for yourself holistically. This includes physical, emotional, social, spiritual, and even professional self-care. Think about all those areas and ask yourself, which area am I experiencing a deficit in care? Select an activity from the ideas below or come up with your own activity and begin to meet that self-care need.
Physical: Get enough sleep (7-9 hours), incorporate more nutritious foods into your diet, Take care of personal hygiene, and move more (walking, swimming, dancing, yoga, etc.)
Emotional: Take a break from social media, do something that brings you comfort, and express your feelings in a healthy way (talking, art, journaling, etc.)
Social: Call or message a friend or family member, join a bible study or small group, do an enjoyable activity with someone you like spending time with
Spiritual: Spend time in nature, pray/mediate, listen to music that helps you connect with your faith, volunteer for a cause that’s important to you
Professional: Learn something new related to your profession, say “no” to excessive new responsibilities, find balance between your personal and professional life
3. Engage in Positive Self Talk
We tend to be overly critical of ourselves, resulting in negative and unconstructive internal dialogue. When we make a mistake, we might tell ourselves “You’re not smart enough,” “You’re unworthy,” “You’re a bad mom,” or even “There is no hope.” These thoughts keep us in a harmful cycle and make it difficult for us to practice self-love. Instead of criticism, try to engage in positive self-talk. By using positive affirmations to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging thoughts, we can begin to promote self-love and acceptance. Ask yourself what you need to hear. Create a mantra or positive affirmation to overcome your negative thoughts. Or try using ones inspired by the scripture below!
I am enough. – Psalm 139:14
There is hope for my future. – Jeremiah 29:11
I do not have to be afraid. – Isaiah 41:10
I have all that I need. – Psalm 23:1
It’s okay for me to rest. – Matthew 11:28
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13
4. Give Yourself Grace
Self-compassion is the practice of treating oneself with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, especially in the face of personal failures, challenges, or shortcomings. Practicing self-compassion is an essential part of self-love. Release yourself from past mistakes and forgive yourself. Remind yourself that we all make errors and fall short at times, but these mistakes don’t define us. Try treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend in times of difficulty and remember the grace that is already extended to us by God.
5. Visualize Your Future
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11
Try closing your eyes and reflecting on this verse. Think about the plans you and God are creating together for your life. What does that life look like? What does it feel like? Who is in it? And who is not? Visualize yourself being all you are created to be. When we visualize positive images, this creates a positive and resilient mindset that fosters healthy growth and self-love.
Remember that self-love is an ongoing process. Regularly engaging in these practices helps set the foundation for a fulfilling relationship with yourself and a meaningful life.
If you are interested in exploring these strategies further with the caring support of a trained mental health professional, please contact our office today. Our team is ready and willing to walk with you on your journey towards greater self-love!
